Why I Will Never Be a Professional Blogger

I forget to update my blog for months on end, thus proving I don’t have an editorial calendar
I also forget to take bazillions of amazing pictures of my ‘perfect’ life; the only documentation I have of the last week is a robot dispensing beer, awesome but with poor composition (there were people! how do bloggers get rid of people? pretty sure killing them is not an option)
I can’t afford and don’t really know how to use Photoshop beyond cropping and some other stuff. I definitely don’t know how to make my pictures the same perfect pixel width as my blog text
By far my most popular post is about being crazy. The bloggess already exists and is way, way more funny than I am
The amount of promotion/proper SEO in the last bullet point embarasses me
I think branding people is bullshit. I already have a personality, backstory, and way to create genuine relationships; performing some idealized version seems exhausting. I have way better things to do with my time like wash things in vodka, work, advocate for the Oxford comma, and take pictures of vending machines
My realization that Pinochet was horrible for people, pretty good for the export economy is completely useless and probably way less amusing to anyone who is not me
Pretty sure my frustration in being unable to make sub-bullets either indicates a lack of WordPress skills or that I’m not supposed to be using them in a ‘real’ blog post