Why I Will Never Be a Professional Blogger

  • I forget to update my blog for months on end, thus proving I don’t have an editorial calendar
  • I also forget to take bazillions of amazing pictures of my ‘perfect’ life;  the only documentation I have of the last week is a robot dispensing beer, awesome but with poor composition (there were people!  how do bloggers get rid of people?  pretty sure killing them is not an option)
  • I can’t afford and don’t really know how to use Photoshop beyond cropping and some other stuff.  I definitely don’t know how to make my pictures the same perfect pixel width as my blog text
  • By far my most popular post is about being crazy.  The bloggess already exists and is way, way more funny than I am
  • The amount of promotion/proper SEO in the last bullet point embarasses me
  • I think branding people is bullshit.  I already have a personality, backstory, and way to create genuine relationships; performing some idealized version seems exhausting.  I have way better things to do with my time like wash things in vodka, work, advocate for the Oxford comma, and take pictures of vending machines
  • My realization that Pinochet was horrible for people, pretty good for the export economy is completely useless and probably way less amusing to anyone who is not me
  • Pretty sure my frustration in being unable to make sub-bullets either indicates a lack of WordPress skills or that I’m not supposed to be using them in a ‘real’ blog post
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3 responses to “Why I Will Never Be a Professional Blogger

  1. Long live the Oxford comma!

  2. leah j. wolfe

    HAHA This is fabulous, and so true!

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